How to Feel Loved | Prof. Harry Reis

In this episode, Professor Harry Reis and I explore love, relationships, intimacy, listening, vulnerability, attachment, loneliness, and his new book How to Feel Loved. We discuss the difference between being loved and feeling loved, why relationships are central to happiness and meaning, and why trying to “make” someone love you is usually the wrong approach. Instead, we explore how curiosity, listening, compassion, and warm conversation can create a stronger sense of connection between people. We also discuss what makes someone a good listener, why feeling understood is so closely linked to feeling loved, and how vulnerability needs to develop gradually, with the right person, at the right time, and in the right context. Professor Reis explains partner responsiveness, intimacy, capitalization, self-disclosure, and how attachment styles shape the way people approach closeness. Finally, we explore chronic versus short-term loneliness, why loneliness can sometimes motivate connection, and why long-term loneliness can become deeply harmful.